Innocente
by Daughter of Night
Summary: Implied 1x2x1. Started out as a songfic, but was extended to a three parter. Third chapter has been revised.
1. Innocente

  


Disclaimer: We all know I don't own Gundam Wing, and the song is Innocente (Falling in Love) by Delerium. 

A/N: The story takes place after Endless Waltz, and I made Duo join the Preventers while Heero took a more civilian job. 

Warning: shounen ai, Heero is probably a bit OOC, but it's after EW, so... *shrugs*   


"text" = speech   
'text' = thoughts   
_text_ = lyrics 

  


  


**Innocente**

  
  


A boy was curled up on the windowsill, one arm pressed against the cold glass as he hugged his knees to his chest. In the faint moonlight - the only light illuminating the apartment - the tousled hair that fell into his eyes was drained of color, a lifeless shadow. He could barely make out the face caught forever in the picture he held so carefully in his trembling hands. He didn't need to see, not really. He knew that face better than he knew his own. 

"Duo," he whispered, voice barely audible.   


_You can't see my eyes   
You can't see my eyes   
They don't see yours   
Hear me when I say   
They don't mind at all_   


'Strange,' Heero thought as he traced a finger over the pale cheek, 'I can't even remember when he started avoiding my gaze.' 

Had the sense of loneliness that he refused to acknowledge consciously found an outlet in his eyes? Had he begun accusing Duo for his dedication to the Preventers long before the words left his mouth? Had his fear of abandonment, his doubt of his own worth, scared the other boy?   


_ It's the rain that I hear coming   
Not a stranger or a ghost   
It's the quiet of a storm approaching   
That I fear the most   
It's the pain that I hear coming_   


"It's funny, really," he told the picture. "I could self-destruct and not feel a twinge of fear, but knowing that I was less than you deserved terrified me. You needed more than I could offer, and sooner or later you would see it." 

Had Heero been more inclined to show emotion he might have let out some of the tension in a bitter laugh. He might have given in to the burning feeling in his chest and sobbed out loud. Being Heero, he allowed no more than his shaky breathing to betray his inner turmoil.   


_ The slightest crystal tear   
Drops to the ground in silence   
When my love is near   
Darling, when did you fall? When was it over?   
Darling when? When did you fall? When was it over?_   


"When did you see?" he asked. If he noticed the tremble of his voice, he didn't care. "When did you see that you deserved - no, _needed_ - someone better? How long did you stay before I gave you a way out?" 

He remembered it so well, the night when Duo had promised stay with him. 

"I won't ever leave you, not until you tell me to," Duo had said, "and you know I never lie." 

'And he didn't,' Heero thought with a sigh. 'Despite how much he wanted to leave, he kept his word. Kept it until I gave up my selfish hold on him and let him go.'   


_ It's marching through my door now   
The stony cold of lonesome   
A bell tolls for my heart   
And then my lonesome song begins   
It's marching through my door now   
The stony cold of lonesome   
A bell tolls for my heart   
And now my lonesome song begins_   


Outside, the sky had begun to brighten once more. A barely noticeable shifting of nuances, it was still too early for Heero to call the sky blue, but it wasn't quite as black as before. Soon, the first traces of color would creep into his world again, heralding the dawn and mocking his own bland existence. 

"Just two years ago, who would have though that I would be afraid to be alone?" 

Heero stood, grimacing as stiff limbs were forced to move. How long had he been sitting there? Since Duo left, that much he knew, but how many days had passed since then? One? Two, maybe? It didn't really matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Without Duo, time was just a slow, meaningless counting of seconds. Without Duo, life was just a too long stretch of those seconds laid out to form a path through an unvaried gray emptiness. Without Duo, there was no color, no taste, no smell.   


_ Darling, when did you cry? I couldn't hear you   
Darling when? When did you cry? I couldn't hear you_   


He had seen the joy fade from Duo's smile, heard the strain in his laughter, and it broke his heart to know he was the cause of it. 

Duo had called himself the God of Death, but his kills were clean, honest in their ruthlessness. What Heero did to him was much crueler, a slow draining of Duo's vitality as Heero tried to figure out what it meant to be human. Heero wasn't sure what that made him, and he didn't want to know. 

Looking down at Duo's picture mournfully, Heero gave voice to the thoughts than had been plaguing him since the end of the Eve war. 

"Maybe it had been better if you never taught me to feel. Maybe it would have been better if I had died when Wing Zero fell apart. Maybe that would have kept us both from hurting."   


_ I suppose it is the price of falling in love   
I suppose it is the price of falling in love_   


He sighed. "If I had known how unhappy I would make you, I would have broken my promise to you. I would have made sure that I didn't survive that crash. You didn't deserve this." 

Something in his chest tightened. It hurt so much to know that the one person he had lived for would have been better off if Heero had died. And it hurt even more that he still couldn't regret being Duo's lover, that he couldn't truly wish that they had never been important to each other. He should be sorry for what he had done, and he was, but he didn't regret it. And that felt like a greater betrayal of Duo's faith in him than his failure as a lover.   


_ It's the rain that I hear coming   
Not a stranger, not a ghost   
Of the quiet of a storm approaching   
That I fear the most   
It's the pain that I hear coming_   


He walked over to the couch and picked up the frame he had thrown there after Duo left. A hint of a smile touched his lips, but the sorrow never left his eyes. 

The frame had been a gift from Duo, unexpectedly plunked down on the desk next to his laptop one evening. He had looked up at the braided boy questioningly, not understanding what had prompted him to do such a thing. 

"It's gold," Duo had said breezily, "meant to last forever. It's supposed to hold something that means a lot to you." 

Heero shook his head to banish the memory and gently put the picture back where it belonged. He didn't have the right to hold it in his hands anymore. He'd lost that right when he told his lover to leave and don't come back.   


_ The slightest crystal tear   
Drops to the ground in silence   
When my love is near   
It's marching through my door now   
The stony cold of lonesome   
A bell tolls for my heart   
And now my lonesome song will end_   


He fell to his knees, leaning against the couch as the first sob shook him. Biting his lip till it bled, he fought to keep quiet as the tears flowed down his cheeks, painting heated lines over his chilled skin.   


_ Darling when did we fall? When was it over?   
Darling when? When did we fall? When was it over?_   


When the storm stilled, he remained where he was, his arms and forehead resting against the couch. There was a moment of complete silence before a single choked whisper escaped him. 

"Why couldn't I be what you needed?"   


_ I suppose it is the price of falling in love   
I fear that it's the price of falling in love_

  


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A/N: Thanks for reading, and please review!   
Daughter of Night 


	2. Falling

  


Disclaimer: Do I have to say it again? I don't own Gundam Wing! 

A/N: A big thank you to Raksha and Natea, who told me that they wanted more. This one is for you! 

Warning: shounen ai, possible OOCness, Duo's POV   


"text" = speech 

  


  


**Falling...**

  
  


The sun was rising again. Any other day I would have found the raging colors beautiful, but now they were just… there. Another meaningless fact that I was barely even aware of, much less cared about. There was too much on my mind, too much pain, for me to bother with such details. 

  


~ Flashback ~ 

"I want you to get out!" 

Heero's words echoed through my head, over and over again. Ironic, how much deeper the look on his face cut me than the words themselves. I hadn't seen that cold anger since the war. That glare telling you to back off or die. But it wasn't the same, not quite. He seemed almost disgusted, as if he regretted ever meeting me. 

"Heero, please…" 

"Do I need to spell it out for you? I want you to leave, I want you out of my life!" 

He said it so steely, without a hint of a doubt. Nothing to allow me to even hope that he didn't really mean it, that he was just upset, that he would take it back once he calmed down. There was only cold conviction. 

I stumbled out of the apartment, too shocked to really feel the pain. I wandered for hours before I realized I was crying. That was when it hit me just what had happened. My beloved had told me that he wanted me gone. It went far past breaking up, coming from Heero it meant that he never wanted to lay eyes on me again. Not for any reason whatsoever. 

That thought sent me to my knees. I just collapsed in the middle of the street, unable to move, unable to cry anymore. I hurt far beyond tears. 

My best friend had cut me loose, my lover had kicked me out, the boy I loved more than anything had stabbed me through my heart - all in one sentence. Heero had been all that and more… and now he was _gone_. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware of the people hovering around me, asking if I was alright. That small part of me wanted to scream at them, cuss them out for asking such a ridiculous question when I was obviously anything _but_ fine. That part was ignored, pushed aside by a stronger urge to find somewhere safe to hole up and lick my wounds. 

I got up, pushing people out of my way and taking a quick look around to see where I was. It took me nearly an hour to walk to Wufei's place. 

~ End flashback ~ 

  


It was brighter outside now; full daylight. The colors had faded into a uniform blue, as void of nuances as a life without Heero would be. I couldn't help but ask myself why I came here. Did I expect Wufei to save me from this pain, heal this wound that will bleed me dry? He came through for me so many times during the war that I trusted him almost as much as I trusted Heero. 

  


~ Flashback ~ 

He was surprised to see me, but ushered me inside as soon as he caught my expression. I'm not sure what my face told him, but it must have been bad, with the way he fussed. 

I was shaking bad; either from the cold outside or from my shock the night before. I couldn't focus enough to make out what Wufei was saying until I heard Heero's name. That startled me into begging him not to call, not to tell anyone I was here. I'd taken a couple of days off; chief Une wouldn't miss me, and if any of my friends did, they also knew me well enough not to worry. Wufei didn't like it, but he agreed. He gave me the guestroom, and simply said that he was available when or if I wanted to talk. 

Trust that one's honor to keep him from prying where I didn't want him to. 

~ End flashback ~ 

  


I looked over at the bed, remembering how I'd collapsed there as soon as Wufei left me alone. I wanted to be mad at myself for being so weak, but I couldn't. It doesn't matter how many times you loose the ones you love, it doesn't numb the pain. If anything, it hurt more now than when the church burned. This time I was old enough to realize just how grave my loss really was. And I knew no one could ever replace Heero. 

  


~ Flashback ~ 

It seemed like an eternity before night fell again. During the day I tried to keep my mind blank, wrapping the last residues of shock around me like a blanket. It helped me not to think. In the darkness, I felt like crying again. I almost did, but the tears wouldn't come. Instead I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling as memories of Heero swarmed through my head. 

I remembered when we first met and I shot him. When I broke him out of the Alliance hospital and realized just how solid his dedication was. When we started working together, rooming together in various boarding schools and I saw how deep his conviction that he was nothing but a tool made for winning the war ran. When I caught glimpses of the boy he could have been if J and whoever raised him before that hadn't done their best to screw him up. When he told me that he didn't have a name until he was sent down to Earth. 

I'd cried when he told me that. Not in front of him, of course, but after he fell asleep. For the life of me, I still can't understand how J could deny a child to have a name. It was a small tidbit of information, one of the few Heero ever shared, but it said so much about what his life must have been like. How could he see himself as a person when no one else had? 

~ End flashback ~ 

  


I turned back to the window, thinking back on when the war ended. I wasn't sure if he'd allow himself to survive after he'd served his purpose and achieved peace, but he did. What he didn't do, was live. He seemed to draw even further into himself after that, burying his emotions so deep inside that I couldn't bring an expression to that beautiful face of his no matter what I did. I think that maybe he felt lost without J to give him orders. He made preserving the fragile peace his new mission and built his existence around it. Maybe the sudden freedom scared him. During the war, he could creep out of his shell once in a while and it would always be there when he wanted back inside. With J gone, there was no one but Heero himself to maintain the perfection that had been his only constant through the years. If he let that slip, he would be lost. 

That was what happened after the Eve war; he got lost. After coming to the conclusion that he wasn't needed to kill anymore, that there was no place for the Perfect Soldier in a peaceful world, he had nothing left. There were no more missions for him to complete, no orders to carry out. I was pissed but not surprised when he disappeared. It took me a couple of weeks to find him. He hadn't gone farther than the Mediterranean. 

  


~ Flashback ~ 

I stood a few yards away, just watching him. He was sitting on the beach, a soft breeze ruffling his hair, his golden skin glowing in the warm sunlight. His eyes were closed and I was sure he didn't know anyone else was there. He shattered that illusion by saying, "Hello, Duo." 

I blushed at that, and barely managed to greet him back. Had he noticed when I first caught sight of him? I'd been watching him for a good ten minutes at least… 

"Considering how good a hacker you are, you weren't hard to find," I said as I sat down beside him. Not too close, never invade his personal space unless you're sure he won't kill you for it. 

"I promised Une she'd be able to find me. Just in case." He shrugged. "It doesn't really matter where I go anymore, does it?" 

"It matters to me, Heero." 

He turned to look at me for the first time. He smiled the sweetest little smile; it barely curved his lips and I could see he was unsure of its welcome, but his eyes… His eyes were so unguarded, so trusting. I'd never seen more than a hint of this vulnerable side of him before, and it almost brought me to tears to know he trusted me enough to show it now. 

~ End flashback ~ 

  


I sighed as I rested my forehead against the cold glass. The road from that first moment of trust to the independent, self-assured boy Heero was today had been long and bumpy, but I was glad to be there for him. Even happier that he seemed to want me there. I'd stayed with him for a few days and then took him with me to the United States. Howard helped us find an apartment and I joined the Preventers as a stealth instructor. A month later, Heero was recruited by a computer software company. 

After the first war, I hadn't dared to believe I'd be allowed to be Heero's friend anymore, but he gradually came out of his shell again. It took him a long time to come to terms with the idea that he was just as human as everyone else, was entitled to feel and think like any other person. He'd been told the opposite for so long that it took him weeks to even accept the fact that J might have been mistaken. We'd been living together for more than six months when I saw him smile for the first time. Not one of those little half-smiles that he could give me when I goofed around, but a true, full-blown smile. 

  


~ Flashback ~ 

We were sitting on the couch, watching some old movie. Well, Heero was watching the movie, and I was watching him. I'd been doing that more and more lately. Thank God that Heero seemed… 

"Why are you staring at me?" 

…oblivious. 

I blushed, silently cursing my pale skin. "I - I wasn't staring, I just…" The rest of what I meant to say slipped my mind as he turned to look at me. Those bewildered eyes met mine, searching for answers. He could have found them easily, had he not been too damn innocent to understand. 

"I watch you," I said slowly, trying to gauge his reaction, "because you're so beautiful I can't look away, because I want to hold you so bad it hurts." 

His eyes widened in surprise, then it was as if someone flipped a switch, and his face fell back into the Perfect Soldier expression that I dreaded. He didn't attack me though; just looked at me with cold, unfeeling eyes. 

"If you don't want to tell me, fine, but don't lie to me, Duo." 

I shook my head, for once at a complete loss of words. How could he think that? How could he think I would lie to him? I, who prided myself on never lying? And how the hell could he not know he was beautiful? 

I did the only thing I could think of; I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. Just a light brush of lips against lips - I wasn't enough of an idiot to do more without Heero's permission - but it was obviously enough to convince him that I was being honest. He stared at me when I pulled back; his face and eyes unguarded again. There was longing there, a longing so strong it took me by surprise. 

He leaned forward to kiss me. The contact was brief, and when he pulled back he seemed unsure that he'd done the right thing. I smiled reassuringly, and he smiled back… His cheeks were flushed, his eyes shining with happiness. He was so beautiful it took my breath away. 

~ End flashback ~ 

  


I sighed at the memory. As precious as it was, it was also bittersweet. Heero didn't smile like that anymore. 

Try as I might, I couldn't figure out what I did wrong, what came between us. We'd been happy, truly happy for a few wonderful months. It was the first time Heero ever felt that way, and he would tell me so late at night, when we lay cuddled together in our bed. He'd thank me for being his friend, for loving him, in a sweet, shy voice that no one but me ever heard from him. Then one night when I came back from work I found him curled up on the couch, looking like he'd cried himself to sleep. He didn't even stir as I carried him into the bedroom. 

That was the night his happiness died. I never saw him smile after that, never heard him laugh, never heard him sigh in contentment. I tried to talk to him, but he assured me everything was fine and forced himself to smile. Weeks went by, and I would catch him staring out the window with a look of longing and sorrow on his face, but he still wouldn't talk to me. 

These last few weeks, I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I knew that all I would see was sadness, and I couldn't take it. The breakup two nights ago had been a long time in coming, but that didn't make it any easier. 

The sun had risen high now. Another hour or two and Wufei would knock lightly on my door and ask if I didn't want something to eat. He'd tell me that he'd make lunch for two and I was welcome to join him. 

Shaking my head slightly, I decided to leave the room and take up the offer of a talk - and maybe a shoulder to cry on. 

I found him in the living room, reading some old, worn Chinese book. He looked up at me immediately, worry plain on his face. I could tell he wanted to ask me what had happened, but he wouldn't say a thing until I broached the subject. 

"Heero kicked me out," I said without preamble. I saw his eyes widen in surprise; obviously he hadn't seen that one coming. 

"Why?" He sounded as bewildered as I felt. "Did you have a fight?" 

I shrugged, tried to smile but failed. "I don't know why; he didn't give me a list of reasons. He accused me of a lot of things and finished it up by telling me to get out of his life." 

Wufei's gaze sharpened. "So why are you here instead of straightening this mess out? You have a right to know his reasons." 

"God, 'Fei, this isn't about your concept of right and wrong! I promised him when we first got together, before we even became lovers, that I wouldn't leave him _until he asked me to_, and he sure as hell did!" 

"Were those your exact words?" The question cut through my beginning hysteria and distracted me enough to remain slightly rational. 

"What does it matter? What does anything matter? He didn't just kick me out of the apartment, he cut me out of his life!" 

"I've never seen him smile when you weren't with him," Wufei said calmly. I fell down into the couch and stared at him. "He could be interested, even amused with things, but he didn't smile unless you were there. Whether you saw it or not, he smiled for you, _because of you_. He wouldn't tell you to leave unless he had some kind of reason, no matter how reluctant he is to share it with you." His dark eyes grew cold. "But if you're just going to give up, I guess he's better off without you." 

I was shocked. I hadn't known just how special Heero's smiles were. "I'm not giving up, there's nothing I _can_ do! I promised -" 

"Not to leave until he told you to," Wufei finished. "But you never said that you would stay away, did you?" 

I smiled. "No, I didn't." 

"Good. Then I suggest you hurry up; Yuy has a habit of disappearing when he's confused about things." 

  


I took a cab from Wufei's back to the apartment; the place I hoped was still Heero's and mine. I was nearly bouncing in my seat with impatience and anxiety. Wufei had given me some hope, but I was far from certain that Heero would be prepared to let me stay even on the outskirts of his life. Soldier or not, he was nothing if not determined. 

When I stepped out of the elevator and walked down the short corridor to our door, I felt a brief chill of doubt. Was I really doing the right thing? If Heero were still in the apartment, he would not take my coming here lightly. But what else could I do? To simply let him leave without a fight was not an option anymore. No, I decided, if Heero wanted me truly gone he would just have to explain why, and his reasons had better be damn good! 

I knocked on the door and waited impatiently. There was no sound from inside and I quickly pulled out my keys, unlocked the door and entered. 

The apartment was so still and silent that I was afraid to raise my voice to call Heero's name. I felt fear gather like a hard knot in the pit of my stomach. Maybe he was already gone? If he was, I knew he would have covered his tracks well this time. 

I peeked into the bedroom; momentarily relieved to find it untouched before the realization that the bed hadn't been slept in hit me. After all, if Heero wanted to disappear, he wouldn't take much with him. 

I was several steps into the living room when I saw him. My heart clenched painfully at the sight; he looked so desolate, so lonely and dejected. He was half on the floor, half on the couch, one arm tucked under his cheek like a pillow. Even in sleep his breathing was unsteady, most likely a result of the crying that had left such clear marks on his face. My eyes were pulled downward, absently noting that he was still in the clothes from the day before yesterday, finally coming to rest on his left hand. It clutched a photo frame to his chest, just above his heart. 

The picture was turned against him, but I recognized the frame easily. I knew it held a photo of me. 

"Heero," I whispered, crossing the room to kneel in front of him. All doubt was gone; whatever his reasons for kicking me out, it wasn't for lack of caring. Whatever I'd done could be fixed if he'd only tell me what the problem was. 

I gently brushed his dark, unruly bangs out of his eyes, waiting for him to wake up. No matter what our relationship was, if woken abruptly Heero often slipped into full soldier mode. As close as I was, it wouldn't have been pretty. 

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking at me sleepily before memory kicked in. He paled, and started to move away from me. He was about to say something, but I caught his head in my hands and leaned in to kiss him gently. Heero went still, making no move to answer the kiss, but he didn't push me away either. I pulled back slightly to look into his eyes, dark blue and clouded by emotion, and whisper, "I love you," before I captured his lips with mine again. 

  


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A/N: Thanks for reading, and please review! The final chapter should be up in a few days... if I get enough motivation to post it.   
Daughter of Night 


	3. in Love

  


Disclaimer: *shakes her head stubbornly* I'm not saying it again! 

A/N: This is the second version of the chapter. I wasn't happy with how it turned out the first time, so I edited it. 

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad that you take the time to let me know what you think, and I hope you won't be mad at me for changing the chapter. 

Warning: implied yaoi (but if you minded, you wouldn't be here), possible OOCness   


"text" = speech   
'text' = thoughts 

  


  


**...in Love**

  
  


"I love you." 

The words drifted through Heero's conscience just as Duo kissed him again. For a second, he allowed himself to revel in the feelings those words stirred in him, the delicious sensation of Duo's lips against his own. Then reality caught up. He broke the kiss, stood up and backed away from the braided boy, slipping back into his Perfect Soldier self. From that emotionless place he regarded Duo detachedly. He noted that the other boy seemed to have slept little since he last saw him, and he briefly wondered why that was. He quickly dismissed the thought as his mind came up with several possible scenarios. Instead, he simply watched Duo. 

"Why did you come back?" Heero asked in his neutral monotone, not bothering to put any inflection in his voice. 

"Heero, please… I just…" Duo broke off uncertainly. He made a visible effort to pull himself together and met Heero's eyes determinedly. "I have a right to know why you broke up with me. I have a right to know why you won't even let me stay your friend." 

Heero shook his head slightly. Inwardly, he was panicking. 'Why does he want to know? It was what he wanted, why won't he just leave me be? Did he come back just to rub it in my face how I wasn't good enough?' He cringed mentally. 'No! Duo could never be that cruel! But what else could it be?' 

Duo watched his love worriedly. The boy's expression hadn't changed, but his eyes were distant, as if he wasn't seeing Duo anymore. He was shaking his head, denying Duo the right to know his reasons for ending even their friendship. 

"I won't leave unless you tell me why." The words brought Heero's full attention back to him, and Duo noted the narrowed eyes with some trepidation. Hoping to avoid immediate bodily harm, he raised his hands in a pleading gesture. "Don't I deserve that much?" 

Heero stiffened at that. 'So I was wrong again,' he thought. 'He is that cruel…' 

The silence held for a long time before Duo bowed his head, his sholders slumped in defeat. Still kneeling on the floor, he seemed to sag against the couch, clutching at the cushions for support. 

"Am I so worthless that you're ashamed to have me for a friend?" he asked quietly. 

If he had looked up then, he would have been surprised by the pain in Heero's eyes. The Japanese boy took a step forward, aching to comfort his love, but remembered that he couldn't. Not anymore. 'Did I hurt his self-esteem that bad? Did he expect me to keep him here forever, no matter how miserable he felt?' 

"I didn't mean…" he whispered. "You woldn't leave like you said you would, and I panicked." 

Duo looked up, a bit of hope stirring in him. Maybe he could still fix at least a part of it, maybe it wasn't too late. 

"I didn't think you'd want to have anything to do with me," Heero continued. "I didn't expect you to come back until you were sure I was out of here." 

"What?!" Duo jumped to his feet, staring at the other boy in shock. "This place is yours as much as mine! I wouldn't dream of kicking you out, not for any reason!" He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "You can't help it if you don't love me anymore, Heero. I have no right to ask for what you can't give me." 

Heero flinched. It was the barest hint of a movement, but Duo had spent a war studying the Perfect Soldier's every gesture and he caught it. As he started forward, not quite sure what he hoped to accomplish by pushing the limits of Heero's personal space, his toes hit something. He had forgotten all about the photo. Looking down at his own smiling face, suspicion rose in him. He picked the picture up and held it out to Heero. 

"Why?" he asked with a calm he didn't feel. "Why did you break up with me if you missed me enough to cry over me? What did I do that made being with me so unbearable?" 

Only silence met his words. Heero was trembling slightly, as if he was too tense to stand still, but his face remained blank. A calm mask of indifference that could hide anything or nothing. 

"Please, just tell me what I did wrong!" 

Heero met his eyes coldly. "You started lying. You of all people _lied_ to me." 

"What – when?" Duo searched the other boy's face for signs of what he felt, but found none. Just a you-know-exactly-what-I-mean look in his eyes. "I don't lie, Heero. Not to anyone. You know that." 

The soldier calm shattered. Heero's eyes burned with anger and no small amount of hurt. His hands clenched to fists and it seemed like he wanted to tear the room – or possibly Duo – apart. 

"You lied to me!" he screamed furiously. "You'd be absolutely miserable and you'd _smile_ – laugh and joke and act like I didn't even know you well enough to see through it. You said you loved me!" 

"I do love you!" Duo yelled back. "You're the one who kicked _me_ out, remember? I didn't want to leave!" 

Duo watched in shock as Heero staggered backwards, hands lifting as to ward off a blow, eyes filling with tears. There was such anguish on the boy's face that Duo didn't even stop to think, just closed the distance between them and hugged him tightly. He kissed the tousled hair and stroked Heero's back soothingly. He could barely make out the words Heero whispered against his neck. 

"You couldn't even look at me, Duo. You couldn't even stand the sight of me." 

Duo couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'Heero thought I wanted to leave him? What on Earth did I do to make him think I didn't love him anymore? That I would lie to him like that?' He tightened his hold of the shorter boy and looked down into the frightened blue eyes that regarded him so solemnly. 

"I didn't want to leave, Heero," he said emphatically, "and I never lied. You wouldn't talk to me and eventually I couldn't look you in the eyes because it hurt too bad to see how sad you were. What I want to know is what made you think I wanted to leave." 

Seeing that no answer was forthcoming, he slowly moved to the couch, never easing his embrace, and sat down with Heero curled on his lap, his slender fingers clutching Duo's shirt in a vice-like grip. Planting a soft kiss on Heero's temple, he gently urged the boy to tell him what was wrong. 

Heero looked away and whispered, "You deserve better." He made a half-hearted attempt to rise, but didn't resist when Duo hugged him tighter. He was content to sit there, feeling the steady beat of his love's heart. No matter how uncomfortable the conversation was, he didn't want to move. "I wasn't good enough." 

Duo raised one hand to tilt Heero's head back so he could see his face. "Who said you weren't good enough? Was that what made you sad?" He saw the answer in Heero's eyes even though the boy stayed silent. Duo sighed, remembering how he had thought of Heero as self-assured earlier. "You are _more_ than I deserve, Heero, never doubt that again. You stopped smiling, stopped being happy, and that's what worried me. You wouldn't tell me if I'd done something to upset you. I just wanted to make it right and you would shrug it off and say it was nothing. I was –" 

Heero had recognized the signs of an endless monologue, and interrupted him by placing his fingers against Duo's lips. He looked into the braided boy's eyes for one long moment, asking him without words to be quiet. The faintest of smiles graced his lips as Duo blinked at him in surprise. 

"Where did you go?" 

Duo studied his lover carefully. He sensed that his answer was important, realized that Heero still needed to be reassured. "I walked for hours," he began, "walked and cried. It wasn't until yesterday that it really hit me how much I'd lost, and then I went straight to Wufei's place. I guess I reacted like I would have during the war; when I got injured, I went to a safe house. This morning, I pulled myself together enough to actually tell him what was wrong, and he pointed out that I'd never told you that I would stay away. So I took a cab back here, hoping that you would still be home and not off practicing your disappearing skills." He paused and bit his lip as he watched Heero's calm face. It wasn't blank, just… empty. At that moment, it was more frightening. 

"Are you lying to me, Duo? Is this just another smile to hide behind?" 

"No!" Duo forced himself to lower his voice. "I may run and hide, but I'll never tell a lie." 

"I guess I'm the one who ran this time." Heero blushed slightly, but he didn't look away. "After you left I sat on the windowsill, holding your picture, and I cried. Then I just sat there, looking outside and remembering how happy you used to be, and how miserable I'd made you… I put the picture back in the frame because I didn't have the right to hold it, but I still couldn't let go of it. A picture was better than nothing at all." He swallowed, closing his eyes for a moment to gather his courage. "I love you." 

Duo kissed him lightly, momentarily breaking the kiss to whisper, "I love you, forever," against his lips. He pulled back and leaned back against the couch. Heero laid his head back against Duo's chest and sighed in contentment. The even rhythm of Duo's heartbeat was soothing, made him feel safe. It had always been a comfort to him to hear the steady assurance that Duo was alive. 

They sat quietly for a long time; simply enjoying each other's company and the fact that their misunderstandings had been cleared up. There was no need for words yet. 

Later – minutes or hours, neither of them knew or cared – Duo broke the silence. 

"Promise me something?" 

Heero pulled back to look at him. There was the cutest frown on his face; such an open display of emotion that Duo smiled at him. The frown vanished as Heero smiled back. It was a faint smile, but a true one, and Duo was relieved to see it. "Anything," Heero whispered, awed by the love he saw in the braided boy's violet eyes. 

"If you ever doubt the way I feel for you again, if I do something to upset you or if you're sad about something, tell me. Don't try to hide it. Lovers or not, we're friends, and friends talk to each other." 

Heero's eyes filled with fear, but he nodded. "I promise." Duo just waited. It was less than a minute before Heero caved. "Did you mean we're not lovers anymore? That you won't take me back?" 

The fear and uncertainty in his voice made Duo's heart ache. He hugged the smaller boy tightly and held his gaze as he said firmly, "I'm the one who came crawling back, aren't I? If you'll let me, I'll stay forever. And this time, I won't leave without you telling me why you want me out." 

This time Heero's smile was brighter, the kind of smile that Duo had begun to think he would never see again. He leaned forward to kiss his braided lover, startling him with his passion. 

Duo had expected a sweet, chaste kiss like the others had been that day. What he got was hungry lips claiming his, a hot tongue asking for entrance. When he opened his mouth, that talented tongue slipped inside to explore thoroughly, finding his most sensitive places with ease. He answered the kiss eagerly, savoring Heero's taste. When the Japanese boy pulled back, Duo whimpered in protest and opened his eyes, only then realizing they had fallen shut during the kiss. He could do nothing but stare at his lover, who had turned on his lap to straddle him. 

Heero was smiling again. This smile was slow, sensual, promising things that only someone with Heero's stamina could live up to. "In that case," he purred, rocking his hips slightly and earning a gasp from Duo, "I want you to carry me into the bedroom and promise not to leave the bed until after noon tomorrow." 

"I promise." Duo slid his hands down to Heero's ass and squeezed. When he stood up, Heero moved his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck, clinging to him eagerly. He stumbled slightly in his haste and Heero let out a low, husky laugh. He nibbled on Duo's earlobe and purred again. 

"I'm going to make you beg, my Shinigami." 

As his words reached Duo's lust-fogged mind, the braided boy could only moan, excitement and desire raging even stronger in him. 

"I trust you will," he groaned as he lay back on the bed, the still smiling Heero above him. "My perfect love…" 

~OWARI~ 

  


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A/N: So how was it? Better or worse? Let me know what you thought!   
Daughter of Night 


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